yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
