I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
