so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
