she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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