You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize