So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
