I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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