So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
