the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just invented taco cereal.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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