weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
