real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
