The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
