Just fell off a train. Bad.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
