Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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