I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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