so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
