batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She needs sedatives and a leash
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
