So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
