I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
