Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
