areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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