I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Come on in and take your pants off
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