I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
