Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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