i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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