In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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