halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I could fuck to npr.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
