We won't sleep together?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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