And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
