She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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