i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
