Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
