She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
