you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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