fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
