As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
