Umm I'm too high to move.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
