I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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