i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
