**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
