the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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