it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We talked him into tasing himself.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
