Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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