R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
