Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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