I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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