i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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