i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
