woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
