I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have fence marks all over my body
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
