Me too!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
