Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
