im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
