she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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