ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize