I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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