Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
