I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
