No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
