just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
