Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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