I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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