bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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