i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
