Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
