i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
