yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
