You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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