I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
